#7

dating

I love boys. If you know me you know this. Boys are my favorite hobby. I love to flirt, I love a chase, I love a moment. I typically have boys on a two week recycling program where I’m obsessed, I’m in love and then I am quickly over the entire situation. 

I’m definitely not qualified to give dating advice (see above lol) as I’ve only been in two chaotic relationships neither of which started from a typical meet a nice boy then go on a date situation. I’m rarely one to go on an official date. BUT I am actively working on not repeating past patterns so I’m going to share what we’ve learned so far. 

establishing closeness

This has been the simplest concept for me to understand every old and new relationship by. It’s essentially a more 'therapy' way of saying ‘if he wanted to he would’. If he doesn’t work to establish physical or emotional closeness with you, run girl. It seems hot and mysterious but will later surface as avoidant tendencies and you don't need to get involved until he reads ‘Attached’ and goes to therapy. Avoiding closeness can look like curving personal questions, not taking initiative to make plans, or in my personal experience moving states without a discussion while in a relationship. This has happened to me twice (!!!) so I’m happy to be your resource on this topic.

games

If you don’t hear from him for two years then he resurfaces, ghosts again then pops up at your job two days later acting like nothing is up…he’s on games!!! This happened to me like two weeks ago. Happy to chat about it. 

We’re adults. Fuck a game. Anything that sounds hot and chaotic in the moment will not be hot and chaotic in like two months. Damn. Here I am calling myself out about to reply to this hot and chaotic DM. (Update: I replied :)) The important thing here is if you want to play games back, go for it. But if you’re trying to find a life partner, fuck all of that.

pursuing v. being pursued

This is my latest project. I’m forever going after what I want because I’m hot and confident. I see it I like it I want it I got it, you know? At the same time, this technique has landed me a lot of unavailable boys. Was he just free for the night or will I continue to be a priority?

If a casual vibe if what you’re looking for, its cool. My therapist said so. Take what you want. If you’re looking for something more serious, let him do at least 50% of the chasing.

availability

There’s no amount of being busy that could stop me from making time for things that are important to me. Sometimes it’s crafting. Sometimes it’s having fun with a boy who’s going to fall in love with me on our first date and gas me up for a few hours. I can always make time for that shit, I’m a leo moon. Where this steers me wrong is when I establish availability of my time and energy even after I get blown off the week before. I don’t take anything personally. I’m a mindful bitch, remember? So I’m genuinely not pressed and know it has nothing to do with me. BUT establishing that I’m always around isn’t always the best way to go. That definitely has a lot to do with my boy recycling program…ugh! Realizing things. 

I hope this was either helpful or you at least got a good giggle! I’ve never had a healthy, secure relationship so I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do!

If you’re looking for additional relationship drama, I’m currently loving the ‘Where Should We Begin’ podcast. Every episode is a different couple’s relationship therapy session and these miserable, married people make my single heart sing. Very juicy. 

irl shit

I’m hosting a tie dye class at Scratch Goods this Sunday from 1-3pm. I’m so excited and I’m expecting to see you there. Bring your pre-washed, cotton whites, denim or whatever your heart desires. We’ll also have items for you to purchase on-site (scruchies, socks and tees, duh) and only the best dyes provided by Rit.